Even if Your Voice Shakes

How would you define bitterness? It is often difficult to define, however, we know it when we see it and definitely when we feel it. It is something deep and disturbing, not easily dismissed. The Bible is clear that we need to remove any hints of bitterness from our life.

"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." (Hebrews 12:15)

Wow! This verse is full of warning about bitterness: 1.) It can make us miss the grace of God; 2.) It has a root, therefore it is deep; 3.) It causes trouble; 4.) It can defile MANY.

Clearly, bitterness is something we should avoid at all costs. So, are we avoiding it at all costs? Are we discovering the roots of bitterness and working hard to avoid it as a distraction in our lives? I've read several articles and excerpts of books on the subject. It led me to causes such as the lack of gratitude, lack of grace for others or simply...sin. All of those things are true, but I couldn't help but think there was something else deeper going on with cause of bitterness.

Then it occurred to me while I was sitting and struggling with my own temptation to not become bitter about a situation: Bitterness comes when we withhold our voice and feelings in a certain situation.

Yes!!  That's it.

So often we look at others as the source of our bitterness: "He made me bitter." Or "This situation made me bitter." But it is never really about the other person or the situation; it is usually because we remained silent in the situation instead of using our voice.

Yes, our voice. That God-given instrument and gift that was meant to change worlds, minds and bring life and hope in a dark world. Our voice - the tool that we are often afraid to use. We hold back our thoughts, our voice, our emotions and then, slowly and quietly, it turns on us. It crawls deep within us and turns into bitterness.

To avoid this trap, let us speak up, even in our hurt and discouragement. This does not mean we don't practice James 1:19 (You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry). But we should think, reflect and then speak our hearts. When we withhold, there is something within us that becomes angry because we expect the world (the person) to know our thoughts, our feelings, our hurts, our fears. When they fail, which they will definitely do... we become angry. When they continue to fail... we come bitter.

One of my favorite quotes, that I have now found in a picture and have it on a wall in my office: "Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes." If we could just remember this simple act. The shaking only last for a moment, but the bitterness that can incur from withholding our truth, can last a lifetime.

Originally published in breath of God magazine (online). Visit breath of God online at  www.breathofgodmag.com

Sitting In Your Grief

Recently, I was dealing with some uneasiness in my life.  Nagging feelings, sadness, dissatisfaction.  There were so many things going on during this season of my life; there was no one big "thing" I could attribute the feelings.  I struggled to label it, call it something, or even "blame" it on one particular thing or person. I wanted to call it “something” so that I could “google it” and get to fixing it.  Perhaps this the reason why we so often want to blame or name our emotions or events in our life - so that we can start finding a cure, a comfort, something to relieve our pain. Not understanding where my malaise was coming from left me feeling out of control and lost.   

One day over coffee and a girl chat, a dear friend suggested: "Lee, perhaps you are grieving." Grieving? Yes, my grandfather had recently passed away - but I didn't think I was in a state of grief with his homegoing.  She reminded me that grieving is about all kinds of loss in our life, not just death.  Loss.  Yes, I was experiencing some loss in my life.  So…. I googled it.  And yes it stated:  “Grief is the reaction to any loss. Individuals grieve in connection with a variety of losses throughout their lives, such as unemployment, ill health, moving or the end of a relationship. “

So this was a start. The start of me understanding more of how I handle grief and even those things that were silently breaking my heart.  There were losses that I had not even considered that were probably affecting me deeply:  loss of leadership positions, church relationships, dissolution of family relationships, death, ending of friendships, change and loss of employees.  Yes, there was loss.

And so... I found myself grappling with grief...glimpses of grief in my life. I read of the different stages of grief and realized that I was in a different stage depending on the loss.  I struggled with how to address it and deal with it.  But something my dear friend and mentor said to me struck a nerve:  “Sometimes we just need to sit in our grief.”  Huh…what?  What does that mean?

My disposition and personality is to get rid of whatever is ailing you…and do it quickly.  Fix it. Remove it.  Get over it.  Definitely not “sit” it in. Yet, my friend stuck with her prescription - "Sit in it."

After thinking more about what she meant, I realized how much it was actually needed.  Often we are so quick to get rid of a feeling or emotion, we don’t bother to explore the origin of it and therefore how to prevent it or learn from it in the future.  Sometimes we need to learn how to deal with our pain, despite where it came from.  It reminds me of the process of working out.  When I’m running or lifting weights and I start feeling discomfort, my first inclination is to stop.  I will hear the trainer or run partner encourage me “push through the pain” or “keep going.”  It takes every ounce of mental strength for me to do this.  And I know they are encouraging me to do it so that I can grow.  Get stronger.  Gain confidence.  Progress to the next level.

And so it is with grief and emotional discomfort.  Let’s learn to sit in it for a little while. Deal with the pain.  Feel the tears. Ask the right questions of ourselves and learn  more about the things that break our heart and why. 

I thought about grief in the Bible. Who dealt with grief?  There were many, but I zoned in One. Jesus.  "Jesus wept."  Even before he wept, it says that "he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled."  But he didn't rush to fix it.  He didn't manipulate the situation.  He wept.  He felt the emotion and dealt with it.

Are you dealing with ANY loss in your life?  Don't brush it to the side and assume it hasn't affected you much. Sit with your feelings, feel the tears and learn from it.