Filling in the Blanks

"Faith is allowing God to fill in the blanks."  Beth Moore

The other day I was reminiscing about those long nights of preparing for exams in graduate school.

Most people experience anxiety when faced with an exam, however, I would be particularly stressed

when I knew the format of the exam was either true or false or choose one answer.  They seem so

Starbucks was my friend when
studying for those exams!

black and white. Limiting.  Unforgiving. Since I'm a writer, I tend to like to think more creatively, therefore I prefer to fill in the blanks or write out my answers.  

Yes, those darn tests.

Then I thought about life.  I thought about God.  And those tests...

So often, we try to fill in the blanks during our life seasons of testing and difficulty.  We create scenarios and try to complete our own stories. We force things that don't fit. We panic, worry and stress over things that have yet to happen in our lives. Trying to write out our own story.

I love that God, our Father, our Savior, our Helper - He fills in our blanks.  He knew the questions before we were even faced with the test.  He even knew how we would respond to the test.  Yet, He doesn't write us off when we write in the wrong answer. His Grace, His Amazing Grace, works with us through the process.  He gently takes the pen from our hand and He continues to finish our story.

Our job is to hand God the pen at the very beginning. When we are faced with struggles, doubt, those tests... those darn tests - let's trust that God already has the answers and prepared to fill in the blank. He knows how your story will end.  Our job is to believe Him. 

Even if Your Voice Shakes

How would you define bitterness? It is often difficult to define, however, we know it when we see it and definitely when we feel it. It is something deep and disturbing, not easily dismissed. The Bible is clear that we need to remove any hints of bitterness from our life.

"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." (Hebrews 12:15)

Wow! This verse is full of warning about bitterness: 1.) It can make us miss the grace of God; 2.) It has a root, therefore it is deep; 3.) It causes trouble; 4.) It can defile MANY.

Clearly, bitterness is something we should avoid at all costs. So, are we avoiding it at all costs? Are we discovering the roots of bitterness and working hard to avoid it as a distraction in our lives? I've read several articles and excerpts of books on the subject. It led me to causes such as the lack of gratitude, lack of grace for others or simply...sin. All of those things are true, but I couldn't help but think there was something else deeper going on with cause of bitterness.

Then it occurred to me while I was sitting and struggling with my own temptation to not become bitter about a situation: Bitterness comes when we withhold our voice and feelings in a certain situation.

Yes!!  That's it.

So often we look at others as the source of our bitterness: "He made me bitter." Or "This situation made me bitter." But it is never really about the other person or the situation; it is usually because we remained silent in the situation instead of using our voice.

Yes, our voice. That God-given instrument and gift that was meant to change worlds, minds and bring life and hope in a dark world. Our voice - the tool that we are often afraid to use. We hold back our thoughts, our voice, our emotions and then, slowly and quietly, it turns on us. It crawls deep within us and turns into bitterness.

To avoid this trap, let us speak up, even in our hurt and discouragement. This does not mean we don't practice James 1:19 (You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry). But we should think, reflect and then speak our hearts. When we withhold, there is something within us that becomes angry because we expect the world (the person) to know our thoughts, our feelings, our hurts, our fears. When they fail, which they will definitely do... we become angry. When they continue to fail... we come bitter.

One of my favorite quotes, that I have now found in a picture and have it on a wall in my office: "Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes." If we could just remember this simple act. The shaking only last for a moment, but the bitterness that can incur from withholding our truth, can last a lifetime.

Originally published in breath of God magazine (online). Visit breath of God online at  www.breathofgodmag.com

Sitting In Your Grief

Recently, I was dealing with some uneasiness in my life.  Nagging feelings, sadness, dissatisfaction.  There were so many things going on during this season of my life; there was no one big "thing" I could attribute the feelings.  I struggled to label it, call it something, or even "blame" it on one particular thing or person. I wanted to call it “something” so that I could “google it” and get to fixing it.  Perhaps this the reason why we so often want to blame or name our emotions or events in our life - so that we can start finding a cure, a comfort, something to relieve our pain. Not understanding where my malaise was coming from left me feeling out of control and lost.   

One day over coffee and a girl chat, a dear friend suggested: "Lee, perhaps you are grieving." Grieving? Yes, my grandfather had recently passed away - but I didn't think I was in a state of grief with his homegoing.  She reminded me that grieving is about all kinds of loss in our life, not just death.  Loss.  Yes, I was experiencing some loss in my life.  So…. I googled it.  And yes it stated:  “Grief is the reaction to any loss. Individuals grieve in connection with a variety of losses throughout their lives, such as unemployment, ill health, moving or the end of a relationship. “

So this was a start. The start of me understanding more of how I handle grief and even those things that were silently breaking my heart.  There were losses that I had not even considered that were probably affecting me deeply:  loss of leadership positions, church relationships, dissolution of family relationships, death, ending of friendships, change and loss of employees.  Yes, there was loss.

And so... I found myself grappling with grief...glimpses of grief in my life. I read of the different stages of grief and realized that I was in a different stage depending on the loss.  I struggled with how to address it and deal with it.  But something my dear friend and mentor said to me struck a nerve:  “Sometimes we just need to sit in our grief.”  Huh…what?  What does that mean?

My disposition and personality is to get rid of whatever is ailing you…and do it quickly.  Fix it. Remove it.  Get over it.  Definitely not “sit” it in. Yet, my friend stuck with her prescription - "Sit in it."

After thinking more about what she meant, I realized how much it was actually needed.  Often we are so quick to get rid of a feeling or emotion, we don’t bother to explore the origin of it and therefore how to prevent it or learn from it in the future.  Sometimes we need to learn how to deal with our pain, despite where it came from.  It reminds me of the process of working out.  When I’m running or lifting weights and I start feeling discomfort, my first inclination is to stop.  I will hear the trainer or run partner encourage me “push through the pain” or “keep going.”  It takes every ounce of mental strength for me to do this.  And I know they are encouraging me to do it so that I can grow.  Get stronger.  Gain confidence.  Progress to the next level.

And so it is with grief and emotional discomfort.  Let’s learn to sit in it for a little while. Deal with the pain.  Feel the tears. Ask the right questions of ourselves and learn  more about the things that break our heart and why. 

I thought about grief in the Bible. Who dealt with grief?  There were many, but I zoned in One. Jesus.  "Jesus wept."  Even before he wept, it says that "he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled."  But he didn't rush to fix it.  He didn't manipulate the situation.  He wept.  He felt the emotion and dealt with it.

Are you dealing with ANY loss in your life?  Don't brush it to the side and assume it hasn't affected you much. Sit with your feelings, feel the tears and learn from it. 

Don't Neglect Your Gift

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It has been awhile since I have put pen to paper. For many years, it was the one thing I would do where time disappeared and I was swept into another time and place. The fruits of my writing brought clarity, tears, freedom, hope and built bridges.  I've always known it was a gift.

I was recently reminded of this God-given gift by my inquisitive and observant 99 year old grandfather. As he lay in his sick bed, with very little energy and breath, he looks directly at me and asks me: "have you been writing lately?"

Gulp....

Ashamed, I responded "a little ..." Yes, a few weeks ago I finished an article for Breath of God Magazine. And yes, I had written in my journal a bit.  However, other than that, I had mainly only written emails, proposals and marketing copy for work. Definitely not the type of writing that I know I've called and commissioned to do. The busyness and anxieties of life had gotten the best of me over the past year or two.  You see, the fascinating thing about writing - you need to be in the present, in the moment, in the now to truly write from your heart. You need to embrace and revel in the current situations of your life. Lately, I had been too busy pondering the past and worrying about my future to pay much attention to my "now."

My grandfather's question was stinging. It was a poignant reminder of my gift.  This gift that I had  neglected for the past year. Yes, this gift given from God and somehow inherited from this brilliant man, my grandfather. The minute he asked the question, I decided... no more. Never again.

Later that day, I asked my Grandfather: "What is something you would have done differently in life?" With very little breath, yet with no delay, he explained that he would have kept writing. He would have stayed in journalism school, despite the fact he was told that blacks were not allowed. He would have kept writing for the Akron Beacon Journal. He would have continued to use his gift. With 56 years between us, our reasons for not writing were similar; me staring at my past and grappling with the future, my grandfather taken by the war and distracted by racist views and how he would be able to move forward.

Are you using your gifts?  Are you doing that thing that God has called you to do?  If not, what are your reasons?

Life is short. We all say this when we hear of yet another death of someone we believe has slipped away too soon. Yet, if we know it and believe it, why do we squander our gifts, our love, our time, our smiles and our energy. We focus on the wrong things, the temporal things, instead of those eternal gifts, given to outlast even the strongest of us.

Don't neglect your gifts. Life is too precious to not do what you were called to do.

The 2012 Benediction

"To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore."  Jude 24
 

This is one of my favorite scriptures.  Each time I hear a minister give this benediction, it sends chills up my spine.  I am not sure if it is because the verse is so full of promise, or if it is because it expresses my deepest praise.  And what a wonderful way to end the year of 2012 -- with a benediction.  This year has been full of lessons and challenges, but God has proven to be faithful.  His promises are everlasting and we are reminded in this scripture.

 

The promise is rich.  As His children, He will present us before Him faultless, blameless, without spot.  This is reassuring in a world where we always feel at fault for something.  Whether it is an argument, a broken relationship, a project gone awry or a lost dream.  Somehow, we take the weight of the world and put them on our shoulders.  We also hold on to the guilt and shame of our past sins.  Often we struggle to see ourselves as a new creature in Christ. But our Father promises that He will present us before Him without fault and with GREAT joy! 

The praise is precious.  There are so many names we can attribute to the Almighty.  There are so many ways we can honor Him.  Yet these words capture a multitude of feelings and awe.  In this one verse, we declare him to be the only God, who is our Savior - the one who rescues us and takes us in from the storm.  He is attributed as full, overflowing with glory, majesty, power and authority.  And finally we are reminded that He was not just a God of Abraham, of Moses or the Israelites who performed wonderful miracles.  But He is the SAME God, now and forevermore. 

 

This scripture offers us an unending source of hope.  It gives us hope that, as Christians our ending will be better than our beginning.  Whatever is happening now sister and brothers in Christ, THIS will not be how our story ends.  But we will see our Father in all His glory, in all His splendor.  Just ponder on that for a moment.  Our past will not matter, our sins will be obsolete.  We will be blameless before Him. Now... let's march into 2013 with that promise and that praise. 

 

Selah...

I Shall Not Be Moved

“Therefore my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you.  Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”  1 Corinthians 15:58

 

Stone Mountain, GA

"I shall not be moved" are the words that were chanted by marchers and leaders during the civil rights movement.  They were confident that they would press their way no matter what the cost. And because they did - many of us are able to sit at the desks that we occupy now, the homes that we live in and the schools we attend. They had perseverance and focus.  They knew something better was on the other side.

Often we allow situations, circumstances, people, and yes even our own emotions to “move” us.  I’m not speaking of a physical movement - but to be moved spiritually.  At some point, we may have made up our minds to follow the Lord with all our heart, soul and mind, just as the marchers made up in their minds to press on.  We committed to give Jesus our all - to never turn back.  We decided to surrender and use our gifts for His kingdom.  But then a storm came along.  Our bank account was low, a friend, coworker, or church member said something to hurt us or make us angry.  A relationship ended.  An illness crept upon us or a loved one.  Suddenly - our zeal was depleted.  We may have pulled back, gotten discouraged or quit.  We allowed something to “move” us. 

Sisters and brothers in Christ, don’t be moved. It is during those difficult times, those times when it is hard to give ourselves fully to the Lord, that He uses us mightily.  It is at these moments that He gets the most glory.  After all, isn’t that the whole point - God’s glory?  Not our convenience or our feelings.  When a situation is threatening to move you spiritually, keep you from being the the BEST that God has intended for you to be - stand firm, be unmovable. Know that something better is on the other side.  God’s glory should be our focus.  This week - allow nothing to move you. Give yourself fully to God and see that HE gets the glory. 

His Unfailing Love

The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!" The LORD is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD.  Lamentations 3:22-25

In Outer Banks, North Carolina.  A beautiful view of the ocean and a
reminder of God's unfailing love.

We sometimes find ourselves in the midst of a mess and wonder "how did all this happen?"  I have been there many times.  I have often felt like I was drowning in a sea of unfortunate circumstances and bad decisions and in despair fell to my knees pleading with God for answers and a way out. We have all been there.  We may have been overwhelmed with financial burdens, raising children alone, or marital problems.  What hurt the most in my despair was that the dilemmas were a result of my own bad decisions.  Living life the way I wanted, never stopping to really hear from the Lord.  Yet, even in the midst of our bad decisions, our mistakes, our mess - God still loves us completely and perfectly.  When we are in the midst of mess - we are covered in God's love. God is FAITHFUL.  His love for us never tires or runs out.  With each rising of the sun, the moment our eyes flicker open, God is patiently waiting for us give Him our hearts.  He loves you.  

What is our response to this faithful and great love?  We wait on Him and seek Him with all of our heart.  Whatever mess you may be in right now - lay it at the feet of Jesus . . . all of it!   Give Him your mess and let Him bless you . . . abundantly.