Brokeness

As I've ministered to many women, I’ve heard a lot about brokenness and being broken. Although God would give me a word for my sisters in Christ, there was a part of me that could not quite relate to the feeling of brokeness. Yes - I'd been hurt, I've been frustrated and experienced different forms of tragedy. But until recently I don’t think I’ve ever experienced brokeness.

There was no specific incident, nor one tragic event. Instead, there were just small cracks, tiny dents in my life that continued to spread, grow and expand. I somehow convinced myself that I could handle the cracks. I was in control. We are never in control. Until I was at a point of brokenness. A broken heart, broken dreams, broken vision, broken spirit.


The pain is so similar to what a physical brokenness would be. You can feel yourself bleeding, emotions pouring out of every crack. Erupting. The blood keeps coming. I try to hide it – put bandaids over it, cover it. But somehow it slips through my fingers. My hands are covered with it – blood. Red. Remnants of my pain. Years of covering, hiding, dealing. I am reminded of Isaiah 61:1. Jesus says He has come to bind the brokenhearted. Ah! It makes so much sense now. I now see why I need Him to bind it. My bandaids, my hands, my tissue cannot stop the bleeding, cannot cover the cracks and dents. Only His bandages, His hands can cover, can heal. Can stop the bleeding


How do you heal a broken heart? How do you heal brokenness? How do you begin to put pieces back together again? I’m still in the process. But first, I know I have to stop the bleeding. I have to run to my Savior and allow Him to find the wounds, the cracks, the dents and put His bandages over them. To touch them. Examine them. Kiss them. Its so painful. Most of my wounds – although there, I don’t want to relive. I almost prefer for them to sit and fester. Just as a child doesn’t want the bandaid removed. But I know healing must come. In order to be free, to live abundantly in Him – I must move myself out of the way and let Him heal my brokenness.