Starting, Timing and those Darn Shoes...

It has been quite awhile since I’ve blogged. I’ve thought about it a million times, wondering where to begin, where to pick up, how to start again. And then I thought… “start where you are.”

Starting is rarely easy. We are often consumed with being perfect, saying just the right thing or making the right move. But sometimes, we just need to start right where we are, broken, confused, messed up and all. I think of the many, many (did I emphasize MANY) times I’ve been paralyzed by fear, doubt, insecurity (the list goes on) and I did nothing. But I am reminded that when we don’t know where to start or become paralyzed, God is never surprised nor are His hands ever tied. He knows us (and them) better than we do. He is forever at work.

With that, I can relax a little and...well, trust. There is no need for me to feel so obligated to get it right each time or have it all figured out. I don’t need to come up with the perfect plan. I just need to start. Put one foot in front of the other. He is in control, not me.

I think of my dear, sweet, cutie pie… my youngest son. He has so many new starts in his life lately. He recently started kindergarten, at which his lovely teacher told us that he is not fond of following or waiting for instructions. I sigh and inwardly laugh thinking of all the trouble he will have inheriting my “gene.” I very rarely read instructions and boy has that gotten me into a few tight spots. And now, his most recent start… learning to tie his shoes. He has no desire to learn how to tie his shoes. I was beginning to get a bit concerned. But then I thought… I am absolutely certain Trenton will not enter college without knowing how to tie his shoes. Somehow, somewhere along the way – I know he will get it. Would I love for him to experience it now, with the rest of his class? Yes! Would I love to see the excitement in his eyes when he finally does it on his own. Most certainly! But in the meantime, I can rest assured that he will get it. In his own way. In his own time. All I ask from my little pumpkin is to start.

And the same goes for you, dear one.

Wherever you are...just start.

You will get IT.
You will get through THIS.
You will endure THEM.
At just the right time…

Whatever starts, or restarts you are facing right now…trust in God’s Divine timing and plan. Our Redeemer is so faithful, perfect and loving. We so often forget just how loving He is; He is not surprised by where we are or who we are. Just stay steady. (Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. 1 Corinthians 15:58)

We are an imperfect, beautiful mess, in the middle of becoming all God intended us to be. (Philippians 1:6) And God has promised to see us through to the end. Surrender to God’s rhythm and timing.

More to Our Story...

Headlines. Lately, I’ve been consumed with them. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Andrew Weiner. Bishop Eddie Long, Casey Anthony trial. When I don’t have time to read the news, I quickly catch up by listening to CNN, HLN or one of the morning magazine shows. I will get a 2 minute story and run off to my day, thinking I’ve really gotten the “story.” I continue on with my day repeating the story of others as I get coffee or make copies….as if I KNOW.

Recently, it occurred to me that I really don’t have the story at all. I know nothing. I have a headline and a two minute sound bite or a journalists perspective. And even that is not the whole story. It is only a small, very small version of it.

What if someone walked away from my life, your life, my space, your space with a headline based on what they see today or what they‘ve gathered from moments in your past. . And of course, the headline needs to be enticing and over the top. No one opts for a boring headline. What would your headline be today? Is that really your story or my story? Would anyone know the whys, the heartbreaks, the obstacles, the baggage, the guilt, the fears, the hopes and dreams that we struggle with or hold close to our heart each day. All of us have them. And it definitely makes each of our stories different and complex. Even with the obnoxious and heinous behavior depicted in the recent headlines, I feel a sort of compassion for them, realizing that I don’t know their whole story.

And this is what helps me between breaths. I realize that there is more to ME than what is happening at this moment. Sometimes we forget that there is more to our own story. Don’t define yourself by one act, one mistake, one failure, or even the second or third. Our story goes on. It’s God’s gift to us. I think of all the stories in the Bible - those that go on for chapters and books, and those that are just a few verses. Rahab, Job, Joseph, Esther, Mary. Even with those stories - we tend to fill in the blanks and come up with our conclusions or explanations.

It all comes back to Grace. Accepting this truth about yourself and others is a gift of Grace. A reminder that God is still at work and His love is beyond all that we can think or conceive. That there is more. So much more. That His love never ends. He is there ….writing a glorious ending to our messy story.

In the Dust...

I’m not really sure where this entry will lead, but I just had to share my insights today after reading a familiar scripture. This morning I was lead to John 8 – the story of the woman caught in adultery. I love when we read something over and over in God’s precious Word, and then one day, suddenly, a detail or word just leaps off the page. It captures our attention and embraces our heart.

My eyes filled with tears as I read this familiar story. I imagine that woman standing there – uncomfortable, terrified, ashamed, humiliated, as she was being accused of this “deadly” sin.

Yet my heart melts and fills and overflows when I think of Jesus, her Knight and Shining armor coming to her rescue. I cheer and clap as imagine that His very presence with this woman made everyone pause and scratch their heads.

"Why her?"

He challenges them and the people scatter. And there our loving Savior kneels to write in the dust. Oh – how I long to know what He wrote that day. He has left it a mystery to us for a reason. But we do know that it was truth and love that covers a multitude of accusations, sins, mistakes and bad choices.

And then my favorite part…it was just the two of them. Jesus and this adulterous woman. We often rush through our scripture reading and view the scene in “real time” – but maybe, just maybe – it was just Jesus and this woman alone for quite some time.

Together. In silence. Yes, when everyone scattered, she was alone in His presence.

I smirk when I imagine what Jesus does next. Our all-knowing Friend asks her a question, as if He doesn’t know the answer. And with all the love in the world, He tells her to go and sin no more.

My eyes fill with tears as I pause and think of the many women standing accused, maybe not of adultery, but of something. And our Savior comes to us, each and every time, writing in the dust…offering us something more.

There is so much we can take away from this. But today I want to stay in one place. When you are between breaths, know that Jesus is writing a message for you in the dust. You may not know what word His fingers are tracing. But you can be confident that it is FOR you. It is truth. It is hope. It is healing. It is grace. And it will set you FREE.

Stay Calm… He Fills the Gaps

I still remember those fun afternoons taking swimming lessons at the YWCA. As a child, I really hated getting my hair wet. I knew it meant a long night of washing out chlorine, drying, braiding, etc. But I enjoyed the water. Until one day. . .that dreadful day I almost drowned.

I was still learning to swim. I could float and do basic swim moves, but I was not ready for those deep waters. Yet, I was intrigued by all that water. I was ready to try it. While my friends were playing “safely” in familiar territory, I inched my way over to the deep end. However, as I was sliding over, I slipped on the hump that divides the shallow and the deep.

And there began thirty seconds of my life I will always remember.

Slipping, gulping, struggling, falling, fighting, gasping.

Everything happened so quickly, yet as I think of it now, it felt like …forever.

In the middle of what felt like … forever – strong arms grabbed me and pulled me back to safety and calmed my flailing arms. Tears were streamed down my face, still frightened of what “could have been.” But I was safe…God filled in the gaps.

And so it is in life, between breaths...

When we get in over our heads, slip, fall and gasp for breath, God is there. His big strong arms, that never really left us, nor will ever leave us, are holding us, protecting us, guiding us.

He fills the gaps.

We don’t need to fight or figure it out. Somehow…His mighty hands fits all the jumbled, confusing pieces together. And one day, we will look back, as I do on my “drowning experience” and realize that I was safe and all the lessons learned in those thirty seconds.

What are the gaps in your life? Where are you struggling to breathe and gasping for air? He will give you what you need between the breaths.

Look at the Little Things: Lessons and Blessings

So are you still between breaths? Are you still feeling like your life is on pause? Waiting for the next big thing, blessing, miracle, excitement? Waiting for the hurt to end? Waiting for direction? It can be a difficult place, somewhat uncomfortable and frustrating. But friends – don’t get stuck in that feeling. God always has lessons and blessings along the way. Breath of God Magazine just finished doing a study on the book of Jonah (check us out on blogtalk radio). I LOVE the ending of Jonah when despite Jonah’s running, temper tantrums and anger, God blesses him with a plant to give him shade DURING his tantrum. Wow God! You are so intimate with us! You love us so much. If we would just look for you between our breaths. And so it is in our life….

The next survival tip for is to take delight in the lessons and the blessings. Stop looking for the big stuff. We are so eager to run to prayer lines, conferences and see “so-so” come in town for our big word from God. We pray for the miracle. That big breath we think that will change our course, our life, our happiness, our destiny. No, no, no…

I’m talking about those small lessons and blessings that often slip by us. As we are between breaths, don’t worry about that next big breath that you THINK you can’t live without. It is all an illusion, really… We think it’s the big gulps of air that we need, that keep us alive, that make us happy. But really – its those small, tiny breaths that we barely notice. Just like the “small” lessons and blessings that He sprinkles through our journey. The sunshine hitting our face at just the right moment. A soft breeze on a picture perfect day. The smell that takes us back to a special time in our lives. Listening to rain. The feeling we get when have completed "that" task. The laughter of children. Dinner with friends and family. The nothingness of a quiet afternoon. Clothes folded and put away. Finding a ten dollar bill in old purse. A pair of shoes that make the entire outfit. Just those little things that make us smile and breathe…

Look for the little things between each breath.

Survival Tip #2 – Look at Right Now...

With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Forever is composed of nows. ~Emily Dickinson

Often when we are living between breaths, our focus just becomes…the “next” breath. When will it come? How deep will it be? Will I feel it or will it be effortless? That next breath. Life can get overwhelming if all you are doing is focusing on what comes next. The tendency to only focus on tomorrow, next week, next year or worse – focusing on the past will leave us frustrated and stuck. Although we can learn valuable lessons from history and we should think about our future, we cannot stay there. We have to stop and focus on what is happening right now. When we remember that God will never waste a single moment on us, each moment suddenly seems much more valuable…holy.

It reminds me of the question God asked Moses in Exodus 4. Our Sovereign, all-knowing God asks “What is in your hand?” Moses was holding the rod – the rod that would help him through various situations. He didn’t need to be concerned about the why, when or how. He just needed to know that everything he needed was in his hands NOW. In many ways, God was telling Moses to stop and look at what is happening right now. “Moses, what do you have to use RIGHT NOW?’

Jesus further tells us to not worry about the future. The NLT asks us: “Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” (Matthew 6:27) I even like the way the Apostle Paul furthers this principle: “Our goal is to stay within the boundaries of God’s plan for us” (2 Cor. 10:13 NLT). Again – the reminder is that we are not GOD. We need to “stay in our lane” and deal with what is on our plate at this moment.

Another wonderful way this principle is laid out is in the beautiful scripture in Philippians 4. Paul admonishes us to think on what is now – don’t assume, don’t get ahead of yourself, don’t let your imagine drift too far: “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

As we are in between breaths, let’s stop worrying about when and how the next breath will come. As children of the most loving and faithful God, we know for sure that the breath is coming. It doesn’t matter how or when. Let’s just focus on what God has given us to get through THIS breath, THIS moment.

Survival Tip #1 - Don’t Underestimate the Power of Friendship

As I still struggle to catch my breath, I thought it may be beneficial to share a few survival tips that I’m learning as I pant, gasp and sometimes choke. A recent survival tip that I’ve recently learned is the power of friendship.

With social networking and our busy, busy lives, we often ignore or underestimate time with friends. Posting on walls or tweeting each other has replaced simple time just talking on the phone or chatting over coffee or nachos.

To complicate things, when we are struggling to catch our breath, we tend to think we are alone, or that no one will understand. We seclude ourselves, hide our feelings and avoid others. Alone, we grasp for whatever is within reach, instead of grabbing the hand of a dear friend.

Last night I met a friend at Barnes and Noble to chat about a project and business venture. Soon our discussion turned personal, and we shared the most recent highs and lows about our lives. As words and feelings began to freely flow, without much thought, rhyme or reason, it became an exhale moment.

I left that little table in the bookstore feeling a sense of relief. The problems were still there, I am still not breathing on my own, but for a moment, I felt the friendship of GOD. I felt Him loving on me, laughing with me, encouraging me. My “between breaths” moment didn’t seem so BIG. It felt temporary and that life will go on.

That is what is so special about fellowship and why I believe God asks us to not forsake our assembling together…our issues don’t seem so large when we are with others. We realize that other people have “stuff” too - and that life goes on.

Friendship is an wonderful gift from God. It is sad when people don’t treasure that gift. We see beautiful examples of friendship in scripture, particularly between David and Jonathan and Mary and Elizabeth. It is as if God gave us friends to be his hands, his arms, His legs - here on Earth. His Spirit in the Flesh.

If you are between breaths. If you are not breathing on your own. If you are gasping or suffocating - reach out to a friend and allow them in. Let God guide you to the person and through the conversation. He is faithful, even in friendships.

Where Do I Begin?

I will begin...between breaths. Have you ever laughed so hard, cried so deeply, experienced an emotion so raw - that you had to catch your breath? There are those few seconds between breaths where you anxiously reach for the next breath, trusting it will be there. Hoping it will be there...or else. Or else... you stop breathing. You choke, gasp, fall apart.

Sometimes life is like that. We enter season when we feel like we are between breaths. We are hanging on. Waiting. Not sure how to rest or what to do until the next breath comes. It may be a tragic event that has left you breathless. A relationship that has gone terribly wrong. An illness, a financial crisis. Or just a series of things called "life" that has left us between breaths.

This blog is devoted to exploring those moments. That season. And yes, I know it is a season. As I am between breaths, I know it is a season. That this moment, this anxious waiting for the next breath will not last forever. There will be a moment when I will breathe in and out - effortlessly again.

Hope...that is what they call that. When you know there is more to come. I know the next breath is coming soon.